Sunday, November 25, 2012

Dust in the mind.

I thought I was a stronger person. I thought I could not be bothered so much. But I was wrong. I may not doubt you, get jealous, possessive and the usual. But one thing, I cannot stop loving you. And till I love you, I will miss you. Till I miss you I will tend to feel sad for all the oft occurring moments of longing that I feel irrespective of when you are available/unavailable.
 I have had many people in life whom I have trusted easily. Whom I have loved without restraint and cared for without a second thought. I have also got back the love and care but somewhere down I lost every one of them. But I just don’t know where I went wrong.  I didn’t do anything to make them stay, and I didn’t do anything to hold them back. Not because I thought it wasn’t worthwhile. But because, I have never believed in forced relationships. Even if it’s too late by the time people realise they need me, I am prepared to wait.
I cannot contain my love. If I miss you, I miss you. I cannot help it. I am not sad missing you or bad missing you or happy missing you or good missing you. I do not know the categories or the classifications. I simply just miss you. I cannot love with rules. I can surely try and understand that love may not always be practical and cannot always be whimsical, but thats love. And I love you.
The distance might get difficult for me only for the sole reason that I fear losing track of you. Or losing you. I am glad to let you free because I know you will still be there for me, but I try to keep in touch just to make sure you are there. Because I have lost people without even realising they aren’t there.
Its like you are out in a new city and both of you wish to explore the city together but not be bound with each other. You are confident that you both will tour and end up where you started. So you keep walking at your own pace without looking back to check because you trust blindly. But when suddenly you turn and see no one, you break. You feel so helpless and so shattered because you can’t even figure out where exactly you lost that person. You feel so sad and so lonely and so scared and so lost all of a sudden. I am scared of that feeling now.
I don’t want to lose you. Now.