#Trustbroken

What should you do when you've been let down in life. By every single person you trusted. Yet after all the self counselling and all the lessons learnt you unknowingly attach yourself so strongly to someone that you're almost blind. As they say, love is blind. You rant about every sorrow to that one person and you laugh your loudest laughs with that one person. You give all that you have and do all that you can. But then again, one small thing crashes all your beliefs. It just takes a spark to get a fire starting and the seemingly harmless lie/behind-the-back snooping around is not healthy for anyone in the end. Prying where you should'nt have you come across this disturbing piece of reality which makes you irritated and frustrated with yourself. Makes you want to go into a corner and hide and cry and undo all that you have done. Makes you unsure of every decision that you have taken and breaks you into thousands of tiny irrepairable pieces.
And the worst part is, that in the end, you blame yourself. For looking where you shouldnt have. For dropping unannounced. Is that what relationships are about? Is everything a facade? Does all the goodness have to be planned? Does all the love have to be on the surface? Is the world full of futility and fragility? Is there nothing called loyalty and faith? Can no one be trusted? Can no one be loved?

A piece of my heart.

Everyday I am caught in the mess of emotions. In the crowd of feelings. All of which are evoked by someone other than myself. All of which are a reaction not to the self. My brain and my heart, being controlled by someone else. In this moment of reflection I realise how vulnerable and how weak each of us is today. Owing most of our basic emotive functions to a third party. Sometimes even going to the extent of faking these very emotions to keep other judging minds satisfied. Day in and day out this seemingly fabricated routine becomes a part of us and we lose our independence. We are slaved forever. We cannot think for ourselves. We cannot feel detached. We are always holding onto something or someone for support and approval of something which is rightfully ours.

That is why maybe, I am happiest when I create art. Because that is one of the few things I am doing for myself. Uninhibited and free, I am not thoughtful of what reactions it will evoke or how it will affect anyone else. It is my art, my part. It is a free expression of what I feel and think and want to depict. Onlookers may choose to appreciate or ignore. Praises are welcome and criticism is too. But nothing can degrade the piece that I have created. Because as I said, there is a price of my heart in the piece of my art.

Its strange.

#Its strange how over time, we get connected to someone so intensely that we forget the boundaries and merge into one. All time is a struggle between their meal-times and mine, their work-hours and mine, their free-time and mine. And yet in the midst of all this comes the dilemma of finding the me-time and the we-time, both of which are equally crucial.

#Its so strange how the nascent stages of any growing friendship/relationship makes one forget the not-so-important things and during the later stages these things and the oft ignored self are given utmost importance. Comparisons are made with the point of view of compromises. Priorities dwindle and an attempt is made to reinstate the initial balance. But little do we realise, that the damage has been done. Live with it or live without it. But first, Learn to live within.

#Its strange how opinions change and mindsets change. And how people change. When the goals and the expectations change. Then, its not just the person inside you that has changed, but the people around you have to be changed too. As they say, if you can't change them, change them. Each human is unique, and so is the power and direction of progression of the heart and brain. It is when one finds another who is compatible with this rate and direction of change is maybe when a soulmate has been found.