Wednesday, December 7, 2016


She's shunned herself into darkness. The only light around is the blink emanating from the smartphone on the bedside getting charged towards its full capacity. This is a complete contrast to the constant stream of tears escaping the eyes now turned pinkish red due to the excessive crying since the past couple of hours. She cannot pinpoint what triggered it. Was it the song which came up on shuffle which he first introduced her to that day in the car. Was it the tin of those Godiva pearls for which they always fought, which now she had all to herself. Was it her cellphone vibrating which for a split second made her jump thinking that its his text; because somehow he always knew when she was in a bad mood. Or was it the emptiness in her head and her inexplicable longing to feel him hug her in a protective shell away from all sadness.
Whatever it was, it brought together with it a chain of memories and dialogues which went on playing like an infinite loop parallel in different parts of her brain making her feel like her head would explode. She could not intrude into those territories which were his life now, separate and away from her. She could not tread on the well traversed paths of emotional connect which she thought was home until a while back. She could not ask for the support of that shoulder which used to instantaneously appear every time she looked out for it. That shoulder was now holding someone else's chin up. Those roads had been cordoned off and new ones built alongside. His life was separate now, completely distinct and distant from hers.
She tried varied techniques to block these thoughts but seldom did anything work. The darkness was a major part of it. Along with burying herself into her bean bag and covering her head tight with the pillows as if she was physically escaping from the thoughts.

And shunning herself, once again, into the familiar darkness.

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