Dust in the mind.

I thought I was a stronger person. I thought I could not be bothered so much. But I was wrong. I may not doubt you, get jealous, possessive and the usual. But one thing, I cannot stop loving you. And till I love you, I will miss you. Till I miss you I will tend to feel sad for all the oft occurring moments of longing that I feel irrespective of when you are available/unavailable.

 I have had many people in life whom I have trusted easily. Whom I have loved without restraint and cared for without a second thought. I have also got back the love and care but somewhere down I lost every one of them. But I just don’t know where I went wrong.  I didn’t do anything to make them stay, and I didn’t do anything to hold them back. Not because I thought it wasn’t worthwhile. But because, I have never believed in forced relationships. Even if it’s too late by the time people realise they need me, I am prepared to wait.

I cannot contain my love. If I miss you, I miss you. I cannot help it. I am not sad missing you or bad missing you or happy missing you or good missing you. I do not know the categories or the classifications. I simply just miss you. I cannot love with rules. I can surely try and understand that love may not always be practical and cannot always be whimsical, but thats love. And I love you.

The distance might get difficult for me only for the sole reason that I fear losing track of you. Or losing you. I am glad to let you free because I know you will still be there for me, but I try to keep in touch just to make sure you are there. Because I have lost people without even realising they aren’t there.

Its like you are out in a new city and both of you wish to explore the city together but not be bound with each other. You are confident that you both will tour and end up where you started. So you keep walking at your own pace without looking back to check because you trust blindly. But when suddenly you turn and see no one, you break. You feel so helpless and so shattered because you can’t even figure out where exactly you lost that person. You feel so sad and so lonely and so scared and so lost all of a sudden. I am scared of that feeling now.

I don’t want to lose you. Now.

All Shades Fade

I laugh, you smile..

Try to make it all worthwhile.

I look back on the miles,

And wonder if I'm beguiled.

Its a never ending phase,

A never ending maze..

I want to peace myself,

But its all in a haze.

Striving for perfection,

Of a perfect happiness..

But nothing's perfect they say,

Its only a sad mess.

Overlooking each crack in my heart,

Trying to build a wonderwall..

But it all crumbles down to the start.

Only making me stronger with each fall.

The people I met,

The tears I wet..

The memories I made,

All eventually fade

Forever they say,

But never do they mean.

Life isn't permanent,

And death is unseen.

Illusions

Darkness rolls on,

Never showing itself move...

Thoughts flow upon,

Not knowing what to prove.

Like a pile of muddled of mess,

Like the garbage from recess,

I wish I could be freed...

Like a damsel in distress.

And so it came to be,

This isolation that I am,

I can only look to me...

To find the way it all began.

This confusion, constant hunger,

For something more than this...

I search the being I envision,

And yet I seem to miss..

Could it be that I am empty?

Or maybe a little lost?

Could it be that I am lonely?

Or don’t know what it would cost?

This never ending ‘Something’

That is living deep inside,

Depicts the illusion of myself...

And all I have to hide.

Me and You :)

Just like the wind blows into my hair,

When you whisper love into my ears...

My whole world turns into a smile,

I get lost in my luckiness for a while.

Just like the shore meets the sea waves,

For a hug like that my little heart craves...

When the sun and sand mingle in tune,

And on repeat till the sky houses the moon.

Simple words of truth shared thus..

Stating reality without a fuss.

Relating to me and relating to you,

Relating together is what makes it us!

Peace within. Or without.

Sitting at my terrace, I can see two strings of yellow lights – one of them is real and sharp, and the other is its blurred reflection on the water. Blurred, hazy, undefined – like the insides of me.

I feel like a reflection abandoned by my real light; my light without which I have no business existing. Mechanically moving along with the rhythmic waves, but lacking any sense of the music of the water; my forehead creased, looking for an answer… How can I, being the ineffectual reflection myself, create a real reality?

My gaze slowly sweeps the frame, not in active search for the answer. The lights all around momentarily distract me. The white ones from innumerable windows, the red ones on top of tall buildings, a flickering white one… quite star like.
There are no stars though, and I can’t see the moon either.
I surf the overcast sky. It spells possibility.
If I broke through the cover of clouds, there’d be a clear sky somewhere, and if I went beyond, there’d still be something to find. This sky holds a promise of endless hope.

And still, with all the glory of the universe, the sky comes down to meet the water at every horizon…the highs always find a match with the lows.

Now I see it. I’m not a reflection of one of these yellow lights at all. I belong to some really bright star up there in the glorious sky. I haven’t been abandoned. I just can’t see my star tonight because the sky is overcast. I have been allowed to drift, to wander, to shimmer and shine, still all the while intrinsically belonging to my brilliant star.

Someday, when it beckons, I shall fly up and kiss it. For now, I’m enjoying listening to the music of the silence. :)

. . .

Making Merry

If one needs an excuse to wish, this christmas wish away :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

After a long long time a sat back and thought.. about all the good things, the bad things, and the wonderful things my life is made up of. At first I cried. But in the end, I smiled :)

Things are always there, we just need to focus on the right ones!

Happyness Rebound :D

Life is one big roller-coaster. There's one moment when you'll feel like burying yourself into you pillow and never wake up. And there's this another moment where there's a spring in your steps, a smile on your steps and an inexplainable glow on your face. Everything seems brighter and happier and not-so-bad afterall :)

There's colour in every eye,

A smile that could light up the sky.

You sit and stare..

At the walls so bare.

And a story forms there,

Right in front of your eyes.

Sitting side by side,

Emotions you are unable to hide,

Dreaming a dream so unreal..

You are for once scared to feel.

Everything's as perfect,

As it could be..

You pinch yourself and wonder,

Is this really happening to me!

Its not like something,

Too big has taken place.

But its those simple pleasures,

That gather up the pace..

This smile is like forever,

Stuck on your face..

You bask in the glory,

The beauty and the divine grace.